What in the..

Talk about a dramatic silhouette.

Every time I see her pieces I'm in awe. I love the theatrical nature they have, it's amazing to me. I've had photos for a minute, but figured I'd post up my favs and gush for a second.

It really makes me want to go to a play. I've seen some amazing costume and stage/set design in Caroline, or Change, Westside Story, and the few Shakespeare adaptions at school. I miss seeing that.

I'm really thankful for Joy, the program director of MSUB (Math Science Upward Bound). She made sure we were cultured and took us to see these plays during the Summer. MSUB was a program that focused on inner-city schools. During the Summer we'd take advanced courses and stay in college dorms... focused on Math and Science, of course lol. I always felt I got into the program on a whim because I hated Math and Science. I just had a good GPA. I remember writing my letter to apply hours before the deadline. SO glad I took the initiative. Anyways... yea - Zoe Bradley was taking me there with her craftsmanship.

Had to divulge and show appreciation upon reflecting

Long, Long Ago (Word to J.S.Bach)


Recent


I have a goal to grow my hair until it accidentally smacks enemies in the face. I'm getting there, and I didn't even realize it! My friend was like, "wow, your hair is getting long!" It really feels like the same thing, everyday. I don't notice anything because I never really touch my hair for prolonged periods of time.

When I used to get my hair straightened, length was pretty apparent. Girls used to ask if I was mixed cause my hair wasn't short or damaged.* Now, everyone just thinks I'm from the Mother Land or an island, lol. One Black woman even tried to insult me by saying, "see, that's why nobody like ya'll!" An El Salvadoran dude told me she was going off about my Africaness to him. We both laughed at her drunk ass. Shame.

BUT YEA.

It's coming along and looking at old pictures just surprised me.


*my eyes are small too, ppl always ask if I'm high...may be a factor (my eyes were always like that, since I was BORNED). Also, my hair started to act up towards the end of my 'Press n' Curl' career.

Look Ma!

that was fun, video editing is pretty cool folks.

I'm excited...we must support our tall funny Irishmen.

http://www.tonightshowwithconanobrien.com/

I was discussing something with a friend.. and the subject of Barbie's vag came up. Didn't Barbie have a big ass pussy? I mean.. it didn't look like a pussy. It looked like a clever dick tuck. I wonder who chose that design. Shame on you and your dick-like puss design! You put it on Ken too! (Low-key...I was excited to find out what he had and VERY disappointed after..kid dreams.)

What a minute.
What the fuck.

I just googled something along these lines...

And I just saw a flappy penis with teeth.

It looked like an old squirrel. I'm so weirded out that I seen that.
Geez, man.


*shudder*

I'm listening to The Dream, my sister plays this song 24/7.

(This is basically a tweet.)

This really isn't an entry so to speak. I just so happen to be up crazy early, and I feel like typing.

Oh yes! And here's the window display we did (Laura, Ashley, Roxanne, myself):


I still have silver spray paint on my boots. It was really fun though, very tiring. Or I should say I put myself to the limit. I came right after work and had to walk more than necessary because I lost my directions lol.

Also, a majority of the pedestrians in Hollywood have no idea where they're going. I haven't been up that way in a while, but I knew people were telling me the wrong shit. People were just pointing in odd directions... saying things were east when they're west. *sigh

http://cgi.ebay.com/Melissa-Vinyl-Shoes_W0QQitemZ250418878192QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Women_s_Shoes?hash=item3a4e20d6f0&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318|301%3A0|293%3A1|294%3A50

the pictures turned out horrible on Ebay. :|

But I'm selling these, if you're interested or know anyone interested.. bid/let me know!

( ..one more view )

Wow, I haven't written anything in a while.

Lately I've been thinking about how people may conceptualize themselves. Basically, I figure that society and just day to day human reaction is a mirror. Things are deemed as fine and decent according to the million others that do the same thing.. and the many many others before. I've come to a certain conclusion. It's like a personal essay.

I think about random things all the time - it's why I'm terribly silent at times.

In other news.. doing well at my internship. I work.. to earn $$$. It's all I can say about my job these days. Something my cousin said was very true about jobs. Every job has two categories.. things you want to do & shit you don't wanna do. Every job.

Right now, I figure my current job is 10% things I want to do.

Anyways, I took about 5 days off on bereavement. My grandmother recently died. My sister took it so hard. I remember hearing her on the phone and thinking about how I reacted when I heard about my dad. I had to call to tell my mom too. She seemed so vacant. My mom is really solid. My sister and I have seen her cry maybe 2 times. She was at work and had to hold it enough to just ask for a brief break. My grandma and my mother didn't end on the best terms. But my grandmother was kind of dramatic.

That..

do you love me?
no one loves me
aw see, tynel loves me
he's doing blah blah for grandma

That shit.

Every time I thought about things she's said to me and told me about. She's said some pretty fucked up things to me and about me. So I'd just laugh at her making fun of my hair, snide comments about when I used to be kind of big, etc. I'd just feel sad about another person's remorse. You know when you tell people and they feel sorry for you. My co-workers were so concerned. Friends were and I'd start to stutter on the phone after they asked if I'm okay.

I didn't want to go to the funeral. It's in Kansas City.. probably overly dramatic and ridiculous. My grandmother was a minister and everyone she's introduced to me was a little off. One minister she's known was in legal troubles and is in jail right now. He had a huge house.. was running some scam.. ha.

I'm watching In Treatment right now and he's like "of course I want sex, I'm not dead." My mind instantly went on sidetrack. "Yes mother, like bad children - we had, sex." Haha, I love this show.

I'll end on that.

I want a tumblr. Random.. reoccurring thought.

Besides that.. saving still. I feel like I've been saving forever. And I don't even know if things will work out because I keep having these random ass bills. At first I couldn't even think of how my paycheck was blown.

Now I do. Well not quite... meh. I'm gonna have to save receipts and be an asshole about money. Lately, I've been too much like thiss..

Person: damn, I'm hungry.
Me: me tooo
Me: You wanna get something from Woodspoon?
Person: I'm broke.
Me: That's alright, I got you. What do you want?

It's damn near habit. Money is seriously like pretty paper to me sometimes. It's not that I'm irresponsible. I just don't want to be arguing about money.. and money obsessed.. like some of my fam. You would not believe some of the arguments I've had concerning money. Now I'mma be like "heffa, that's my change!" for like 3-5 months.

I just really wanted some MC Hammer/genie pants.. but I guess it's ok. *sigh* Gonna try to take advantage of virtually free things like museums... parks... left-overs... my favs along with unlimited nights and weekends.. yanno?

OK that just made me kinna sad. My main focus is enrolling back in school and getting outta here by wheels or location.

--had to to write and delete and whole little mini-blast about my day job/source of income. The hate is just looming.. I'm in between writing rage and a PSA to anyone who can effect a child's life. Shit is tragic! The teacher grosses me ooooout. I'll be working with paperwork.. and he'll reach to show me something. His hand might touch mine.. I move my shit right away. I really don't care if it becomes obvious. He has cooties. He laughs about the disabled students sometimes... describe one like "...oh the fat one that talks a lot." He's so disrespectful.. and typical alpha-male. He has them play fucking bingo in class and I have to be alert like that shit is the SAT.

ok whatever - big test tomorrow and it's a busy work day period. off to bed.

So, got a break from discussing abuse with my guy friend. It's kind of interesting, I haven't debated in a while. He takes me back to my high school debate team. And it wasn't prompted by Rih Rih but a statistic and me helping my mom with a poster for battered women. THEN it went on and ventured elsewhere.

Anyways, I had a good ol' time differentiating offensive language & physical reaction. It's like writing that essay where you go above the limit - then edit it to perfection.

*straightens my Sally Jessy Raphael glasses*

I kind of love debating and I don't know if it's good. Gonna get in Photoshop or Illustrator now.

it be calling me, man [/Pookie]

http://i40.tinypic.com/2edzb6u.jpg lol.

ugh. I can't sleep at all.

Been listening to "MyBoyBlu" on repeat. I had Friday off... this Monday too. It's been sucky cause I can't even see my friend... like at ALL. I actually was extra straight-forward on the phone to no avail. That didn't make it suck more but uh... I gonna make sure... LOL nvm.



Been doing shit reluctantly. Babysitting. I've improved like 6+ sex lives today - maybe. Hope so. Shit, might as well. (read this again & thought I might clarify that this is through babysitting.. lol)

All I did was play with Ty's face all night and do mini-errands.


My desktop is like my mood ring right now.

Oh, been in an ONTD Brit/50 post @ all the .gifs. lol

Probably gonna see my cousin tomorrow. I wanna see him though.. fuckity fuck fuck n' shittle sticks.

Maybe I just need to do shit - I don't feel bored exactly. What is this?

Awake. Wide Awake. It's 2:15AM. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh, gonna clean more stuff -.-
I'm gorillas in the mist, that's all.

just made myself a yellow dick sundae aka informal banana split. Gonna watch Cartoon Network and celebrate that all my bills are paid for... 7 more hours. Give or take.

Also, Chinese food.. and lots of fruits are apart of my celebration. And I look at online stores ALL day.

Was gonna take pictures of how mundane everything around me looks... but I left my camera at the office - sucky.


P.S. - Love caller I.D.


EDIT:

MY MOMMY BROUGHT ME CUPCAKES!!! I asked if she would be my Valentine, and she said no. :(

Said she's been sold already. Damn men.

I've been so interested in pictures like the following lately.





Something about the innocence yet aged "I'm not naive" expressions. It reminds me of what my aunt said about baby me. I never smiled and played that goo goo gaga mess lol. I had a straight face usually, I observed. "It was like you've been here before." I creeped her out, lol. I was just weird, I figured out how to climb out my play pen. I used to hide in shopping malls and behinds curtains. I'd scare my mom to death. I was a horrible baby + toddler lol.

Anyways, I love the shapes and I'm going back to drawing. I suck right now. My faces are horrible and I'm ashamed lol. Certain things come naturally but drawing is something that came with time. It took time to be OK. I don't wanna lose it. I'm gonna do violin lessons again some day too.

I still love every song with a violin/real string instrument (lol). Listening to Puppydog Love by Serengeti & Polyphonic. Shout out to the string in that one lol.

( And there's more.. )

Interrupting the regular schedule. My main thought is like.. what my guy friend says all the time...

LOL, and he calls right as I'm typing it. Anyways..
"You're OK in my book, I don't care what they say about you."*

I feel very stable like cool, alright, fine, calm, at rest. Yeah.

I didn't go to the office today so I have time on my hands. I planned all these things.. didn't REALLY do anything. I watched videos. Never seen any of them besides like 15 seconds of Kanye's recent video. I ate. I think time just went by really fast.

Gonna finish stuff. Time for music.

*joke

http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NGVlZDMwYWExMjAwMzQ5NDZjZTlmNzUyNzdlOTQ1ODE
added inspiration.

Man, I'm so tired.

I'm good but tired. There's things that get me very annoyed or scared but I mix it with the great things going on in my life and it's OK.

But just for the sake of noting odd events.

When I go home I take the bus. It's late - whatever, but just recently I've been in some stressful situations. Thursday, a group of guys were making comments to get my attention.. comments that turned into threats. I'm sick, my response..."shut the fuck up, I'm really not in the mood today." They resort to throwing candy. One of them has a wrench in his hands and starts messing with some security guard.. just a loud conversation about pulling teeth out with his wrench. The guard's teeth to be specific.

Meanwhile, I've moved to the absolute front of the bus. Fuck that shit. If their aim was better I don't know how fucked up my face might be right now. I was so pissed lol. Clearly, bus drivers don't give a fuck unless it's them being messed with - not that it's surprising.

Tonight, at the bus stop... bleh. Now, people have tried to pick me up before - but this guy was very committed. He makes a complete stop in traffic.. rolls down the window... honks... whistles... honks... yells... makes a fucking u-turn to park. Like WTF. what. the. fuck. Every time this happens I play deaf and take out my phone. I'm OK. I still feel safe. Whatever safe means anyways. But no one has ever made such a blunt u-turn. So ridiculous, thank god the bus showed up as they parked. I was talking to Chaye but it's not like he can really do anything lol. And really it comes down to this in every situation... what can I do?

so many odd conversations with weird people. I really try to be cool with everything.

Not to mention, a guy fucking wrote me a poem.. propositioning me to have his kids. It started with a question he asked me.. about the bus or something. Then it progressed. Just weird ass shit. I've heard about the Black struggle like 4 times just with a dude's intent to get my number.

Just because my hair is natural doesn't mean I wanna hear about the divide between Black men and women - it doesn't get me on your side. It makes me wanna punch you in the face. This is not a seminar, stfu. Just ask for my number first so I can shoot you down quick, easy and painless. That weird poem dude talked about that with me... like passed his stop.. or so he says.. then makes me feel all gross cause he wants me to bear his children and he's so damn grotesque. Just ew. Fucking ew... don't even look at me.

I'm too damn nice. I swear.

Then when I really avoid ppl they get more hype. It's like.. just my luck. Lose lose.

title = recent foolishness.

I used to watch Pumpkin Head, Poltergeist, The Shining - all that shit when I was really young with my mom. No problem.

The only thing that had me shook was the devil at the end of Fantasia.

Now?

Happy Feet made me cry.
Ratatouille has made me cry.
Wall-E makes me cry.

These damn Disney movies... what the heck. I thought Happy Feet was corny cause all the singing (annoying). Then I'm watching it for maybe the third time and it's the part where he has the detection device on his back. You know.. when he's encouraging everyone to dance so their waters wouldn't be over-fished. And I'm thinking about how they have to make a spectacle of themselves for results. I'm taking this scene to the deep end on some.. Bamboozled type dancing. Then I'm crying and as I'm crying - I'm completely confused. I'm thinking "I don't even like this movie."

Ratatouille... damn good movie. I put the movie on my HD. I looked up the recipe for Ratatouille. I ate Ratatouille. I love that movie. Good movies make you do those things... I think lol. Anyways, I cried when Ego tasted the soup and wrote his review. I love that whole part. I wish it was real! lol And this crying experience I excused.

Wall-E... everyone falls asleep when they're watching this movie with me. lol However, the love between two metals, with maybe 10 lines of dialog and a 1-word vocabulary - beautiful. Still sad that I got teary-eyed for it.

I'm getting way too sensitive these days. I shouldn't even react beyond the thoughts of "wow, that's.. sad." @ a Disney movie.

Not to mention my cry-face is ugg. It's a weird thing to look in the mirror while you're really crying - funny too (I do it because it makes me laugh sometimes). But when I do - my face is really really different. I turn red, my face is all flat and weird... pie face as my sister calls it. My eyes are like mini pillows lol. I can't remember the rest - I think my face gets bigger. It just looks big, red, flat and puffy.

:\

...time to write that e-mail again. eh.

*note*
I don't get into super-cry mode on these. Just *tear* *tear* [/end]

I visited the usual sites.. this was posted on NASA's archive.

I want a new lens.

another thing I always find interesting, size.


I went to sleep really early and woke up @ 9 something. I never do anything for New Years lol. Next year maybe.. and there's been so many lists and shit it's hard for me to even reflect. I'm just moving lol. Another day.